For those of you who don’t follow me on GeekPr0n or know me, surprise: I’m still alive.
This may well be the first and last post I make for this December and before another year takes us. I remember when I used to write so much on here. I used to write a post on Mythic Bios every day, and then every day, and then every two days, one day, and now occasionally. I suppose what I didn’t realize, at the time I started this, was as I began writing more I would have less time to Blog than I once did.
At the very least this has not been the result of a creative block or major depression. I have been busy this past while. I’m not even going to try to catch up on what I’ve been doing since my last post because so many things have happened.
I think what I really wanted to write about this time around was something about writing and life: as I’ve not done in a while. I’ve been working on a long-term project this past while that has taken a lot of time, energy, and concentration on my part. I made good progress on it for a while. I planned to have it finished before seeing my girlfriend for Thanksgiving.
Of course, that didn’t happen.
Instead, after dealing with writing other articles, interviews, and life stuff I had to put it aside and prepare to recharge for a while: but not before going to my first Amanda Palmer Book Circus when she came to Toronto. I still haven’t had the time to read her Art of Asking. That is how busy and preoccupied I have been.
So I came back from a well-deserved hiatus to my assignment only to get stuck. Some writers might tell you that the worst thing in the world, aside from deadlines, is staring at a blank page and having nothing come to you. Well, I’m here to tell you that this is not the worst that can happen.
From my experience, be that as it may, the worst thing that can happen to a writer is looking a half-completed work of theirs and totally having lost their train of thought, while knowing how the story continues in their head, but fighting the details to get it all down. It is downright infuriating and it’s made all the worse when you just want to get it out of your system, and move on with your life.
Sometimes you’ll even begin to develop some performance anxiety and avoid looking at it. It will sit there in the back of your mind, but you are torn between wanting the fucker done, and despairing that you will not do it well enough. Procrastination becomes your writerly alcohol or drugs: that is, if you don’t like alcohol or drugs already.
A little while ago, I finally managed to get my story to where I needed it to go. It’s not perfect but now I feel the excitement again: and the passion and momentum to keep pushing forward. There will be editing and formatting and such to keep in mind, but those are secondary concerns at the moment: as I now feel that this will happen.
I think that what I’m trying to say is that, because a year where some promises and potential breaks didn’t pan out, where I sometimes wonder what I’m doing with my life and if I will get anything out of it, that — right now — I don’t feel like a fucking failure. 🙂 And I’d like to say that’s pretty something.
I’ve also been getting used to going outside again without feeling a whole lot of tension: though it will take some time. I’ve decided that Tuesdays are now my Suspect Video days with alternating Library days as well: to keep my mind fresh with films, books, and comics so that I don’t go completely insane. And who knows, I might even learn how to socialize again and function outdoors without too much anxiety after all this time.
Anyway, I hope that the next time I see you all in Mythic Bios will be when I have finished my work and I get to finally work on something new.
Until then the writing: it continues.
4 thoughts on “On A Half-Written Page”
So glad to see a post from you, especially one with this kind of confidence. Happy holidays, Matthew – kick some butt in the new year!
Hillbillyzen, I am *really* glad to see a comment from *you.* It’s been a really long time since we last interacted. How are you doing? And have you talked with Britt at all?
And I will. Don’t you worry about that.
Doing ok here, thanks. Lots of changes – some good, some a little harder to deal with. I left a message for Ms. Britt and heard back from her a week or so ago, but we haven’t had the chance to really “talk”.
In between being so awesomely busy, throw a post up here every now and then to let me know how you’re doing, ok? I’m looking forward to reading some of your older posts. That picture absolutely cracked me up, btw. I have to spend Christmas with my relatives, so that’s kind of how I feel right now, too! 😉
That’s how I have been feeling for most of this year, to be fair. I have some post ideas. Hopefully I will be done with my other work soon and I can get back to this a bit. I look forward to it. 🙂